Category: now

What’s happening when we become middle-aged

An exploration of what is occurring during the midlife passage, common questions people grapple with during midlife, the challenges and opportunities that midlife presents, how ambition factors into one’s experience of the midlife “reckoning,” negative aspects of ambition, the importance of atelic activities in midlife and identifying what gives you purpose or meaning in the second half of life. 

There’s a scene in Risky Business that captures how I felt about aging when I was first really feeling the impact of it, at age 47. Tom Cruise’s character is trying to stop his father’s Porsche from rolling into Lake Michigan. He frantically tries the locked driver’s side door. He runs in front of the car to try to hold it back. And eventually he throws himself onto the hood, yelling, “Please, God, no!” 

Around this time, I had a midlife crisis. Now 57, I’m well on the other side of it. But I have come to think life after 50 is distinctly different than life before 50. 

My rocky transition from relative youth to being, looking and feeling older made me curious to talk to others about their experience of the midlife passage. (This is the term coined by journalist and bestselling author Gail Sheehy, who released Passages; Predictable Crises of Adult Life in 1976, which was a hit, and later, New Passages; Mapping Your Life Across Time. Though the latter came out in 1996, it is still relevant and relatable. Sheehy is a fantastic writer, and the stories of different men’s and women’s experiences of the midlife passage are both fascinating and heartening. I clung to the book in my darkest moments.) 

Through my conversations with peers on my podcast, Gen X at Midlife, as well as from my extensive reading and reflection, I think I’ve developed a good understanding of what is occurring during the midlife passage. I know well the challenges to one’s happiness and the opportunities for growth and greater joy.   

A Dip in Happiness in Midlife

Credit: Reputation Today

A 2008 study by economists David Blanchflower at Dartmouth College and Andrew Oswald at the University of Warwick showed there is a U-shaped curve to human happiness. That is, happiness starts high in young adulthood and falls to a low point occurring on average at around 46 years old, then swings upward again, rising highest in one’s 60s and beyond. (Interestingly, in 2012, primatologists found great apes experience a similar U-shaped curve in happiness.) Since this finding, some scientists have challenged it. But I have yet to meet anyone who did not experience a dip in happiness in midlife. 

Though some people experience an existential crisis in their 20s or 30s, I believe actually being closer to the end makes the midlife passage a different, more weighted situation. The changes that occur to one’s physical appearance in the late 40s and early 50s are key to the bigger shift that is occurring. While many people remain relatively youthful looking up until midlife, there comes a turning point at which one’s jawline, chin or neck signals a crossing from youth to, if not “old age,” then “older” age. 

Whether or not a late-40-or-early-50-year-old is upset about losing their youthful appearance–-and to my surprise, some are not–-suddenly having a changed face signals the subconscious, if not the conscious mind, that something important has occurred: Time has run out. 

Not really, of course. At 50, you might still have 25 years or more left. But feeling like you’re out of time is significant. Because this is the starting point from which a lot of midlife pain stems.  

Simultaneously, hormonal changes are occurring for both men and women, affecting one’s drive, competitiveness, level of anxiety, and mood. Children leaving the nest and parents needing caretaking also create change in the middle-aged person’s daily life and outlook. 

When my face changed, at age 47, it felt as if a stopwatch had gone off and time to attain my dreams was up. Always very driven, I had spent 30 years working toward that next shining hilltop in the distance. And though I had achieved a lot, I did not yet have the success I’d long envisioned. Even if it weren’t too late to achieve the success I wanted, how would I possibly enjoy it if I was no longer young and attractive? (Each question I grappled with at this time revealed an assumption I didn’t know I held. My assumption in this case: I can’t be happy if I am not attractive.) This brought up so much anger and sadness, I cried many times over the course of several years as I tried to process and make peace with it. 

Reckoning with goals not attained is a hallmark of the midlife experience. My theory is that the more ambitious a person is, the more difficult the midlife reckoning is. Because this kind of person has high expectations for the future and a vivid picture of where they want to end up. Theirs is not a vague idea of success; they know exactly what they want and they’re crushed–and angry!–if/when they don’t get it. Ambition had helped me make three movies. It had fueled me for as long as I could remember. At 50, I was surprised to realize it was the underpinning of my life. 

A Socially Acceptable Affliction: Ambition

Two books awakened me to the role ambition has played in my life–Emotional Clearing by John Ruskan and The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller. In his book, Ruskan lists “the ways of self-rejection” and says this about ambition: 

“Ambition is one of the most common attributes of the isolated ego. The pain of isolation is felt, and it is assumed that release will come when personal success, wealth, possessions, or fame is acquired. … We become conditioned from childhood to reject ourselves and our present condition, whatever it may be, and to want more.”

That last line, about “rejecting ourselves,” was impactful when I first read it. Previously, I had not understood how ambition made me unhappy. But now it was becoming clearer. I did not love myself as I was, and I would not be satisfied until I had achieved more. 

In her book, Miller describes the child who develops outstanding traits in a bid to be loved and kept safe by a parent who does not acknowledge or meet their needs. The grown child continues to pursue excellence with unexpected results: 

“…the son enjoys success and recognition, but these things cannot afford him more than their present value; they cannot fill the old gap. Again, as long as he is able to deny this need with the help of illusion–that is, with the intoxication of success–the old wound cannot heal. Depression leads him close to wounds, but only mourning for what he has missed, missed at the crucial time (in childhood), can lead to real healing.”

“Continuous performance of outstanding achievements may sometimes enable a person to maintain the illusion of the constant attention and availability of his parents… Such a person is usually able to ward off threatening depression with increased displays of brilliance, thereby deceiving both himself and those around him. … Actually, however, that personality has no secure foundation and is dependent on the supporting pillars of success, achievement, ‘strength,’ and above all, the denial of the emotional world of his childhood.”

What I wanted to know is, why did I even have dreams if I would never get to attain them? If dreams just led to heartbreak and disappointment, was it better not to have dreams? If a person doesn’t have dreams, what is the point of their life? This, of course, leads to the biggest question of all.

Why Are We Here? 

There is, of course, no definitive, provable answer to this question. 

Going down an existential spiral, I eventually regretted almost every choice I’d ever made in my life. Including ones I’d never even debated before. I was rethinking all of my decisions because I wanted to somehow not end up here. 

It isn’t that here was so awful. It’s that it wasn’t what I had pictured. Which is the crux of the midlife crisis. You are waking up to what your life actually is. 

Whatever fantasy you had about how your life was going to turn out is now dying a hard death. Your suddenly older face is unavoidable evidence that the future has arrived. It’s here, now. 

Evidence of this awakening is reflected in another question many people ask now: “Is this all there is?” Many struggle with the demoralizing realization that the future likely just holds more of the same thing one is experiencing now. 

Credit: Sony Pictures Classics

In Nicole Holofcener’s movie Friends with Money, Frances McDormand’s character stops washing her hair because she’s tired of doing the same things over and over. And she no longer believes in the power of a new, expensive shampoo to transform her. 

To me, this is the most challenging aspect of the midlife passage: the dawning awareness that there is no object, achievement or circumstance that will make the future significantly better than the present moment, that will make you happier in any kind of lasting way. This is why both successful people and people who regard their life as a failure experience pain in midlife. Those who have attained success are not excited by the prospect of repeating now-familiar conquests, and those who have not known success must contend with painful feelings around not having done what they would have liked to.  

Around 50, there is a growing suspicion that “Life” is not about getting everything you want but instead a series of opportunities to grow on a spiritual level.

Similar to Phil Stutz’s comedian patient in his and Barry Michels’ invaluable book, The Tools, I thought the point of life was to get to Easy Street–a place at which I’d be happy, fulfilled and wealthy. (Another never-before-questioned assumption: The point of life is to become as successful as possible.)

After whipping myself to go harder in my career, I am frustrated with myself for not cooperating. Like many people my age, I am questioning whether I want to continue doing what I’ve been doing or try something new. 

After so many years in a career, you’ve experienced all the pitfalls. Again, you don’t harbor as many illusions about the future bringing something much better than what you’ve experienced so far. This is probably why many people stop doing whatever it is they’ve been doing for their first career and, around 50, pick a new career (often one in which they’ll be of service). Or, they retire as soon as they can in order to seek new experiences. I’ve noticed an uptick in high school classmates’ travel pic posts on Facebook. A few of my friends are going back to school for master’s degrees. Others have gotten into birdwatching, photography, drawing, tap dancing… When I asked my aunt, a talented artist, why she hasn’t picked up oil painting again, she said, “Why would I do that when I can play pickleball?”  

This is a key to aging happily. Choosing atelic activities (ones that don’t have an end point)–things you enjoy doing while you’re doing them, not because they might offer a payoff in the future. Learning new things, acquiring new skills, and exploring topics you’ve always been curious to know more about is, to me, one of the greatest joys of the second half of life. When I set goals now, I do it for the fun I anticipate having along the way. Not because I expect the arrival or achievement to make me happier or more worthy of love than I am today. 

For me, now, the ultimate accomplishment is to live in the present and enjoy what is. Often I sit on my back doorstep and listen to the birds singing outside. I like to close my eyes and face the sun, enjoying what the warmth feels like on my face. I admire the trees, their leaves rustling in a breeze. I’m grateful to be alive and am in awe of the natural world around us. 

As a film lover, I can’t help but reference one more movie–Steve! (Martin): A Documentary in 2 Pieces. It helped me articulate my purpose, the thing that has the most meaning for me at this point in my life. In the film, Martin relays a dream he had, in which he asked how a person dies happy. He had a dream. In the dream he asked how a person dies happy. And the woman he was with in his dream said, “Have adventures.” And he said, “You mean travel? See waterfalls and stuff?” “No,” the woman said. “People.” 

And that’s what Steve Martin appears to be doing–having adventures with people. It’s what I prioritize now, too. Interestingly, making films is a way of having adventures with people. Until now, I had not focused on that, being instead fixated on the results of my work, the outcome. 

But as you’ve likely heard by now, studies show our relationships are the biggest indicator of our happiness. And in the happiest places on earth, people spend an average of 6 hours a day in face-to-face interaction. Most of us here in the U.S. spend nowhere near that many hours a day with people. But I think we would be much happier if we did. In his article, “The Anti-Social Century,” journalist Derek Thompson observes that people are craving more and more time alone, because their internal batteries are spent from being so online. The firehose-like stream of updates from others leaves us feeling exhausted and depleted. Though our response is to spend yet more time alone with our screens, the antidote is of course the opposite: to get offline and spend time with people. This is what I am prioritizing in the second half of life.

“…an insurgency of the soul and overthrow of the ego’s understanding of self and world, and a rather demanding invitation to live more consciously in the second half of life. But first came … the sense that each of them had moved, or better, been pulled, from a familiar environment into some darker wood.”

 – James Hollis, Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life; How to Finally Really Grow Up

“‘Up till now,” he said, ‘life has seemed an endless upward slope with nothing but the distant horizon in view. Now suddenly I seem to have reached the crest of the hill, and there stretching ahead is the downward slope with the end of the road in sight—far enough away it’s true—but there is death observably present at the end.’

“What floored me were the existential questions of midlife. …. They are questions of loss and regret, success and failure, the lives you wanted and the life you have. They are questions of mortality, infinitude, of emptiness in the pursuit of projects, whatever they are. Ultimately, they are questions about the temporal structure of human life and the activities that occupy it.” 

– Kieran Setiya, Midlife; A Philosophical Guide

I recently had a fun discussion with longtime friend Susan Burnstine for Santa Fe Workshops. We talked about why I became a filmmaker, the circumstances that led to my making my first movie, and what I think of film festivals. We also covered how to decide what your first film should be about, what to do if you don’t have financing, and my favorite DIY film-distribution service. To watch, click on the video below, or click here.

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead is a documentary film made by an Australian businessman, Joe Cross, who had become so unhealthy and overweight he decided to take drastic action: he went on a 60-day juice fast, while crossing America and talking to strangers about his journey. His idea to have a film crew follow him was genius. Built-in accountability!

In the film, Joe talks to people in big cities and small towns, offering everyone samples of his juices (which he makes using a Breville centrifugal juicer in the back of his car!). He tells them about his mission to get in better health by juicing and asks them about their diet and attitudes toward food and health. He invites everyone to join him on the juice fast. But no one takes him up on it. He returns to Australia, slimmer and healthier.

Six months later he gets a call. A serious, likable guy he met in Iowa–Phil–asks him for help.

I won’t tell you anymore about the film, because it’s great and I think you should see it. Jimmy and I watched it with his dad and stepmom, when they visited us this summer, and we were so inspired we got juice-fast fever!

If you’re wondering why juice vegetables and fruit rather than just eat them: When you juice, you are getting the micronutrients of, say, 6 carrots, rather than just one—i.e., you’d have to eat a ton of produce to get the amount of micronutrients that are in one glass of green juice. And blasting your cells with a ton of micronutrients from plants—Joe Cross calls this “pure sunshine”–is great for your health. If you’re wondering why a juice fast: It gives your body a break from digesting meals, so it has more time to do important cleaning and repair work. It also acts as a “reset” button: it disrupts your current habits, cleanses your palate and makes you crave healthier foods again.

Eager to take advantage of the inspiration we were feeling, I researched juicers, chose the Kuvings B6000 and ordered a great little book, The Reboot with Joe Juice Diet. After some debate, Jimmy and I decided to do a 5-day fast. We started on Saturday (October 5) and finished it October 9 at midnight.

I went into the fast thinking it wouldn’t be that hard. Then I thought I wouldn’t get out of it alive. And finally, I learned to love aspects of it.

It was the hardest thing I’ve done this year. I feel like I’ve been through a crucible.

And now I have tremendous respect for what I think of as a magic bullet.

THE JUICE FAST

When you see photos hyping a juice fast, there are all these attractive glass vessels full of beautiful-colored juices. Mostly shades of pink, red and orange.

But those are FRUIT JUICES. Which have a lot of sugar, and even though the sugar is naturally occurring, you shouldn’t drink too much of these juices.

What you are not shown is an army of bottles full of army-green juice. Because that would not be as enticing. Which leads us to a crucial fact I’d forgotten before embarking on our 5-day juice fast:

I don’t like green juices.

I can handle the taste when I’m drinking them. It’s not bad, in the moment. But before I drink one, and after, I am repelled by them. I have no desire to drink them, whatsoever. Which I somehow didn’t think about before this juice fast.

So, on Day 1 of the fast, I found myself surprised, yet again, to realize I’d been living in Duality instead of Reality. If you are not familiar with the concept of “duality,” it’s basically la la land–your own made-up world, in which you do not face facts.

I wanted all the benefits one gets from doing a juice fast. So, I forgot I don’t like green juices.

The higher the variety of quality produce (purple cabbage! fennel! parsley! carrots! yams! blueberries! raspberries! beets!), the murkier a green juice becomes. It is fantastic for your health. But it’s not necessarily something you’re psyched to drink 4-6 times a day. You should know, however, that Jimmy did not mind drinking the green juices. So, maybe you would not find them objectionable either. (We’ve found that the addition of fresh mint leaves and carrots can make a green juice taste relatively good.)

What saved me during our juice fast is the fact that I cheated. I allowed myself to have two things that were not initially going to be part of our juice fast: homemade nut milk and coconut smoothies. Yes, it remained a liquids-only fast, but officially, it was not a juice fast. It was a juice + nut milk + coconut smoothie fast. The reason for the coconut smoothies: Joe Cross recommends several glasses of coconut water each day that you’re fasting, to get electrolytes. But packaged coconut water tastes awful. If you hack open a fresh coconut available in the produce section of the grocery store, the water is DELICIOUS. But, it’s very sweet. I thought it would be better to cut the sugar impact by blending the water and the coconut meat into a smoothie (with nothing else added).

Homemade almond milk

Homemade coconut smoothie (just coconut water and coconut meat)

In 5 days, I lost 3 pounds. On Day 2 of the fast, my stomach was already so flat it was concave. Jimmy lost 5.8 pounds in 5 days.

During the fast, it often occurred to me that someone who eats as healthy as I do has less incentive to do a juice fast. Jimmy pointed out that I regularly eat all of the fruits and veg we were juicing. I eat super healthy every day–not in jags, not off and on. EVERY DAY.

Day 1 of the fast was hell.

I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. Looking back, I wonder now if it was a primal response–it’s as if I were a feral animal who was desperate for food.

I wanted to cheat so badly, it shocked me. I wanted to shove food in my mouth when Jimmy wasn’t looking. I wanted to EAT EAT EAT and LIE LIE LIE to my friends and family on IG and FB, where I was posting about my fast. I was folding like a lawn chair. Unraveling like a cheap shirt.

That first day was so unbearable, I couldn’t imagine how I was going to get through it, much less 5 days. It felt impossible.

I sincerely wanted to quit and Jimmy gave me a great line on which to do it: “Woohoo! We made it through our 1-day juice fast!” Friends and family on IG and FB would’ve laughed, I’m sure, and I would’ve been off the hook. My integrity might’ve taken a hit, though, and that was something I couldn’t swallow.

But I continued to debate quitting the fast every minute of that first day AND for a good chunk of the second day. I had to admit that Day 2 was 50% less difficult than Day 1. Even though, at the end of Day 2, I finally had the cruddy feelings they warn you about. I felt run down, nauseated, weak, and shaky. That’s when I panicked and made myself a glass of cashew milk with extra sea salt. I didn’t even care that I was cheating/adding something unplanned to the juice fast, because I was scared by how bad I felt.

The next morning, Day 3, I woke up feeling like a million bucks.

Knowing I could have a nut milk or a coconut smoothie took the edge off. Big time. It helped me deal with the fact that I would be drinking more dark green juices for breakfast, lunch and dinner. What fascinated me about Day 3 is that solid food had suddenly become a distant memory. It’s crazy how quickly you can acclimate to a new normal. In just THREE days, I was accustomed to drinking juices instead of eating meals! That blew my mind.

Here’s another surprise discovery: You’re not really hungry on a juice fast! I don’t know if it’s because the juices are so nourishing, or what. There was one point at which I was “starving.” But I should’ve just drank another green juice. The fact is, I probably just didn’t want to. Because I had already become repelled by them on Day 1. But if you do drink 4-6 veg and fruit juices daily, like you’re advised to by Joe Cross, you truly are not hungry. You might definitely still want to EAT FOOD. But you’re not actually hungry.

I only felt cruddy a couple of times during the juice fast—the night of Day 2, and maybe the night of Day 3. Jimmy never felt cruddy at all! He had a slight headache at one point but he said it wasn’t bad. We had abruptly stopped drinking two matcha lattes a day, when we started the fast, so our headaches probably were just from stopping having caffeine.

Jimmy was much more sanguine during the juice fast. He didn’t find it as difficult as I did. He was not tempted to quit like I was.

THE STRANGE EFFECT OF DAYS 1 AND 2

On Days 1 and 2 and even parts of Days 3 and 4, I was unable to be in the present moment much. I was too miserable! I felt restless and so uncomfortable. I just kept wanting so badly to quit the fast.

But by Day 5, the juice fast had become easier. Possibly because I knew it would be over by midnight. (At the same time, I kept fighting an overwhelming impulse to just blow off the final hours of juice-fasting and EAT!)

We did debate staying on the juice fast for longer, though. Because each day you stay on it, you’re giving your body a chance to do important cleaning and repair work, and you are feeling fantastic. Full of vitality. Also, juicing instead of eating makes life easy in many ways: you don’t have to decide what to eat or plan meals, you don’t have to cook or clean up after cooking.

Most people keep accruing more and more miraculous health benefits the longer they juice fast. (If you want to stay on a juice fast for longer than 15 days, like Joe did, it’s recommended you consult a doctor first and during.) It’s especially easy to see how people who have serious health issues keep going. Because many stop experiencing symptoms in the very first week of juicing and even cure themselves of their physical ailments if they keep up a new, healthier diet. And for those who are overweight, it must be exciting to drop a pound or two a day. It’s hard to beat that rate of speed.

Joe Cross drank nothing but veg and fruit juices for 60 days. He lost 87 pounds, stopped having painful hives and blisters from the autoimmune condition he’d developed years prior, and was able to keep ramping down from the 20mg of prednisone he took daily. He eventually stopped taking the steroid altogether and is healthy and happy from having maintained a healthy diet and lifestyle since making Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.

I found myself really admiring him and Phil and the woman who’d suffered migraines from the film. They really became heroes to me, during our juice fast. I so admired their staying on the juice fast for as long as they each did.

On Day 5, like I said, Jimmy and I were conflicted about whether to stop or keep going. Ultimately we decided to stop juice-fasting just because we don’t have a lot of weight to lose and we didn’t want to get our bodies used to not digesting solid food, having a reduced calorie intake, etc. But we really were torn.

HERE’S THE WEIRD TAKEAWAY

The final surprise we’ve experienced: Eating food again is not as incredible as we thought it’d be. I mean, it’s great, yes. But my epiphany is this: A juice fast is not as awful as you think, and returning to eating solid food is not as great as you think.

A juice fast “reboot” is a brilliant solution for getting into better health immediately. It makes you appreciate the incredible properties of plants.

And it’s cool that you can heal your body of misery-causing or even life-threatening ailments with something provided by nature.

FIVE TIPS FOR DOING A JUICE FAST:

1. Don’t burn too many hours researching juicers. Joe Cross acknowledges that none are a breeze to clean. Our Kuvings B6000 masticating juicer is definitely easier to clean than the first juicer we had years ago, a Breville, and I love it. It’s a goodlooking, vertically oriented appliance and does not take up a lot of counter space. But Joe loves Breville and remains a fan of their fast centrifugal (also vertically oriented) juicers, which are relatively affordable. They don’t heat the juice, destroying the nutrients, which is key! That means you can store juice in the fridge for 48 hours as opposed to needing to drink it within minutes of making it. We got our Kuvings at PlantBasedPros.com for a small discount and paid no sales tax–it was around $375 total. I think you can get a Breville centrifugal juicer for around $200-something. I would also strongly recommend buying The Reboot with Joe Juice Diet recipe book, by Joe Cross. It tells you what to expect, it lays out daily “meal” plans for a 3-day juice fast, a 5-day juice fast, etc., and it has great recipes for healthy meals when you transition off your juice fast.
2. Start your juice fast on a date that allows you to lay low for the first 2-3 days, because you might feel some amount of physical discomfort such as a slight headache or lack of energy. Alternate strategy: Start it at a time where you’ll be really busy and will welcome the break from planning and preparing meals! You might want to batch-process juices, such that you are only using and cleaning your juicer once every 2 days.
3. You might want to buy a big bag of carrots, a few bunches of greens (kale, Romaine, parsley, etc.), a couple of pears (which are delicious when juiced!), 1-2 bunches of celery, 2 yams, and at least 2 pints of berries to get started on your first day of juicing. And then you will likely need to keep going back to the store every other day to restock your produce supply. Btw, some people complain that it’s expensive to buy organic produce for juicing, but we spent way less than we do on regular grocery runs that include packaged foods.
4. It’s probably not good to have even natural fruit sugar sitting on your teeth for hours between “meals.” Consider getting in the habit of brushing your teeth after every juice, especially if your juices include fruit such as apples, pears or oranges. Speaking of, I would not add a lot of fruit to your “main meal” (green) juices. We found that green juices actually taste better with carrots as a sweetener rather than, say, apples. We made separate, delicious fruit-combination juices to drink in small quantities as a fun chaser for green juices. (Pear-peach-sweet potato juice is particularly good. I added a dash of cinnamon to mine.)
5. Consider how you want to get electrolytes–through packaged coconut water? Or by cracking open fresh coconuts like I did? (It’s a bit of a chore, and it can splinter the bottom edge of your big chef knife, but coconut smoothies are delicious and are a reason to live when you are struggling in the first few days of a juice fast.) Or, Google other ways to get electrolytes naturally, without consuming beverages that have chemicals or added sugar.

I think this holiday season really snuck up on people, because so far we’ve only received one card. From Dr. Bernard Markowitz. (A cosmetic surgeon who told me, in a consult, that my face is asymmetrical. Happy Hanukkah to you, too, Dr. Markowitz!)

Recently, I was sitting on my couch, fixated on the sensation of acid creeping up into my throat, because apparently I have GERD, and I thought about how stress was likely the cause. And it occurred to me, for the millionth time, that there’s really no good reason to feel stress. Because if times are good, you should be happy, and if times aren’t good, you’re undoubtedly growing. Suffering always leads to greater wisdom and compassion. “Pain is the gift no one wants”! In fact, some of the most memorably beautiful moments of my life have occurred when I was going through some kind of hell.

Anyway, while having these thoughts, I stumbled upon a new life philosophy. A new motto! And this motto is so good, it makes me wish I were a player in the jam-packed Online Motivational Coaching Space. Because any life coach worth their salt has a sticky tagline. But enough preamble, I’m gonna lay it on you:

Look forward to EVERYTHING. Even the “bad.”

Right?! I mean, how much better would life be if we didn’t worry about the future, didn’t dread anything, and instead eagerly anticipated EVERYTHING, even the bad, knowing that the bad, especially, will lead to awesome insights, connection to others, and our personal development?!

Excited, I wrote this new motto on an index card, and I look at it occasionally. Has it stopped me from experiencing stress? Fuck no. But maybe it’s because I don’t look at it often enough. I need to move it to my nightstand.

If you find this motto–“Look forward to EVERYTHING. (Even the “bad.”)–comforting, I’d be thrilled. Because that’s what I really care about: “Adding value,” as people in the Online Motivational Coaching Space say!

If you think a friend would find this comforting or helpful, please consider sharing it. Thanks!